Actually, It’s On Men

Recently I was scrolling through Twitter and I saw, and immediately saved, this image:

It made me chuckle, weirdly enough. Maybe it was the mental image of someone whistling until someone else comes and stops them from raping. Or maybe I thought it was funny because it is almost comical how the onus has always been on women to not get themselves raped, when the actual answer is so obviously to get people to stop raping. 

This is what infuriates me when talking to people who claim the “Me Too” movement has gone “too far”, that you just “can’t say anything these days without getting cancelled”, and so on. All we are asking is for people to do less — less bullying, less making jokes at other’s expense, less violence. It shouldn’t be so hard to leave people alone, and yet some people feel that it’s an impossible task. That they have a right to other people’s bodies. We’ve seen this more obviously stated as of late, which has made me feel a chill in my bones. 

While we have made a lot of progress on the victim’s side of gender based violence, we’ve barely scratched the surface of dealing with perpetrators. Education efforts should not just include young boys, but should actually focus on them. When someone is found guilty of sexual assault, they need to go through mandated therapy before being allowed anywhere near another relationship. It’s not enough to help victims and survivors, we have to stop perpetrators before it gets to the point of assault or abuse, otherwise we will never actually solve this problem.

Obviously all of this is easier said than done, and it’s all been said before, but it’s worth repeating. I am part of this issue too — I get so caught up in working with survivors, and speaking to young girls and women, that I also need to remember to refocus on where the source of the problem truly lies. Holding perpetrators accountable, making it clear to young boys that that sort of behavior is nowhere near acceptable, and providing truly caring services to deprogram violence is where the bulk of our work lies. Treating the cause, not the symptoms, is the only way we will make a true impact.